For the Moms – Treasure in Jars of Clay w/ Miriam Matthews, LICSW

For the moms

How many children do you have? I have 2 children. 

How old are your child(ren) OR how long have you been a mom? I have an 11-year-old and a 5-year-old! 

Are you a mom of girls, boys, or both? I have 2 girls, and am currently expecting a boy!


How does having this treasure of Christ influence and transform your approach and ability to mother?

I believe that anything God gives me is a treasure and a blessing to take care of. If God gave it to me, he gave it to me for a reason and a purpose. Therefore, I want to take care of it. Just like the parable of the talents, there was one individual who buried his talent out of avoidance and fear. He didn’t trust his God-given ability to cultivate it, and therefore did not have good stewardship over it.  However, for the other servants who were given something by their Master, they took care of it and it grew wondrously!

Ultimately, I want to hear the most affirming words, “Well done thy good and faithful servant.” I want to train my children in the way that they should go, so when they are older they won’t depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Children are cared for and admired by God! Hannah in the Bible was at first barren and sad. She prayed to God to bless her womb so that she can have a child who she promised to dedicate back to the Lord. That child was dedicated back to God and turned out to be an amazing prophet of God who God used in mighty ways!

When God gives you something, always remember that it is special. It’s nothing to take for granted. I don’t see them as property to use or speak to in any kind of way. Understanding that God himself has given me my children, establishes an awareness which affirms that they belong to God and he can and will use them in a mighty way.

It truly informs my responsibilities as a mother to take care of them in a way that God directs me to so that they can stay on course and answer the calling of God in their life as well!

Share about a season of being depleted. How did it impact
you and your children? What steps did you or are you taking to replenish?

I say approximately a year-and-a-half ago; I was significantly depleted. Before getting married, I had made up in my mind that I would be the superhero mom and wife. I had this complex due to feeling that I had to prove my worth to a variety of people, including my husband’s parents. I was so used to finding value in what I could do for other people, that validation was very externally focused.

Therefore, I would overcompensate by taking care of everything, and overtime it would seem natural to me. I also thought that was what the Proverbs 31 Woman was about. Anytime I would read this chapter in my teenage years, I saw her as a woman that took complete care of her family. I saw her with this royal purple cape on, who would wear multiple hats to make sure everybody was okay. “Hmmm, she also didn’t seem tired”, I thought. She seemed to go, go and go with no complaints.

Nevertheless, I wanted to be that for my family, and had more of a tendency to anticipate all of our needs, which I thought was also a strength. However, it turned out that I overexerted myself and began to feel tired, restless, and resentful. I had forgotten how to be present in the moment and enjoy life. I felt so detached emotionally as I conditioned myself to go through the motions.

We’d go out and have fun, but many activities began to feel like a chore. I certainly felt that something was off but wasn’t sure how to snap out of it. Playing with my children wasn’t on my to-do list. I was the mom who would constantly correct to ensure they were being cultivated as responsibly as possible. They wanted to play, but I didn’t have the energy to and honestly wasn’t interested. After some time, I began to grow tired of being tired. I also felt guilty. I would often ask myself, how could you do so much and still feel like you’re not doing enough?

I reached a point where I truly needed a breakthrough. My relationship with God wasn’t where it needed to be. I was led to seek out help, so I invested in a self-development program. I became very aware of all of the values in my life that I had made optional, which were supposed to be non-negotiable. For example, my daily talks with God or prayer life was a value that had became optional. Once I realized this and turned it into a non-negotiable, I took it more seriously and became more consistent, which is when my relationship with God began to develop to where it is now.

I also identified a value that I had in respect to developing a quality relationship with my girls. I wanted to read to them, but made this value optional over the years. “Not anymore!” I decided to make this a non-negotiable and began reading to them for at least 15 minutes every night.

Another major shift happened when I realized that communicating transparently about my needs, or asking for help was also something I made optional. I began to make this a non-negotiable, which was quite pivotal! This positively impacted my relationship with my spouse as well!

As I began to take small steps, and identify changes that I wanted to make, I began to feel lighter and experienced more mental clarity. Until we take steps to make changes happen, we’re essentially spinning our wheels which can also lead to mental fatigue.

Nevertheless, I was tired of the insanity and wanted to experience a peace that only God could give me. Well, I’m here to tell you that he did just that. He gave me peace, as I took faith and implemented the necessary changes to experience transformation. Are things perfect? No, however, it is so much better. There is way more harmony in my family.

Additionally, I’ve learned that a Proverbs 31 Woman puts God first and HAS healthy boundaries. I’ve released the complex that one person can do it all. I’m not perfect, but I serve a perfect God. I released perfectionism and adopted having a spirit of Excellence which allows for compassion and flexibility. God met me right where I was and gave me what I needed as I took steps of faith. I challenge you to seek God in prayer and find a helpful program that can support you in taking steps to make any necessary changes.

God bless you, Proverbs 31 mamas!

Can God use your baggage for something better?

Absolutely! 100%.

I experienced so much in my past that it wasn’t something that I wanted to stand on. I just wanted to
forget it and move on without looking back. However, I realized that this was coming from a place of shame. And as long as I was experiencing shame, that was taking up residence in my capacity to receive the complete salvation that God wanted to give me.

It was like I was blocking myself from being completely free. If we’re not entirely free to be who we are in Christ, we can be inhibited from truly igniting the power and purpose that God has given us! My shame came from a fear that I would be judged and rejected. Therefore, I would convince myself that people wouldn’t want to work with me or interact with me if they “truly knew me.” The irony is that I genuinely did not know myself.

The scripture says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17. This means that in repentance and receiving Jesus Christ as my savior, the “old man” has gone away. Shame is not my portion. Or another way of saying it is that I no longer have to carry the cup of shame. God wanted to fill my cup with love, power, and peace. 2nd Timothy 1:7 says, “I have not given you a spirit of fear but power, love, and a sound mind.” This was one of my favorite scriptures. However, I had a hard time activating it. It wasn’t until I was experiencing the feeling of rejection and the feeling of being completely misunderstood that I began to genuinely experience God’s love.

One day, I was in my room and flipped my Bible open to find some instant inspiration in a moment where I really needed it. I felt that anything I found could help me, even if it was the scripture that says “Jesus wept”. “Hey, at least I wasn’t weeping alone.”, I thought. However, a scripture that God showed me was Romans 8:1, which says “Now there is no condemnation to them in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit.” When I tell you all that this scripture touched my soul in a away, beyond what I can describe…… I truly felt his love right there in my bedroom. I released the thoughts and feelings of condemnation.

It’s incredible how we can be in the darkest and loneliest places, and that’s where God meets us exactly where we are. Psalm 139:8 says, “If I ascend into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.” David was indeed a poet, but I can truly feel the depths of this scripture as he was describing the depths of God’s love. There is no height or depth to his love, and nothing can come between it. God sees us beyond how we see ourselves or how anybody else may see us.

When I began to see myself through God’s love, I began to release the shame that I had been holding on to like a heavy rock, that I had been carrying in the palm of my hand all these years. It inhibited me from using my hand to do other things God wanted me to do. When the rock of shame dropped, oh my, what a relief it was!

Miriam Matthews

When I began to see myself through God’s love, I began to release the shame that I had been holding on to like a heavy rock, that I had been carrying in the palm of my hand all these years. It inhibited me from using my hand to do other things God wanted me to do. When the rock of shame dropped, oh my, what a relief it was! Plus, I was tired of the spiritual carpal tunnel.

One day in prayer, it dawned on me that “My PAST is actually my PUSH for my PURPOSE!” It became my quote and mantra! God began to show me how he would use my past and the things that I had gone through, along with the healing I experienced through his grace, to help other women.

With God’s help, he helped me develop a coaching program and led me into the field of providing therapy for women experiencing anxiety, depression, and trauma. Isn’t God amazing??!! Yes, he is! And if he did it for me, he can do it for you. God will help you unpack your baggage and turn it into a blessing that blesses you and others as well!

Speak life to the mom who is weary and burned out.

For the moms who are feeling weary and burned out, I implore you to take a step back and have a seat. Is motherhood about being weary and burned out? Well, I would say no. However, will there be times that you are exhausted and exerted? Yes! What parent isn’t? However, I don’t think this has to be the epitome of motherhood. I can speak to this because this is where I have been. And, there are many times when I have to remind myself to slow down, even now, because I’ve done it all for so long.

However, when I began to make specific shifts and be more intentional about asking for help and communicating, I began to experience more joy and have time to be replenished which is so important! Many of us may see a parental figure or see our mothers doing the same thing as we were growing up. My mom certainly did. I grew up with a single mother who constantly worked to ensure our needs were taken care of. My grandmother was also there to help out. Even in her older age, she would regularly be cooking or taking care of some chores in the house.

I didn’t learn about self-care until I became a Social Worker, which is ironic. Self-care? I was like, what’s that?? Seeing this in my childhood formed a specific complex about being a mother and a wife. Many of my beliefs were myths that created or led to resentment. I didn’t want to be a resentful wife and mother. Indeed, it could be better than this, I thought. I came to realize that, yes, it can.

My process of unlearning what had been in my mind and action for years was a challenging process indeed. There was so much resistance within myself and from the people around me who were used to me enabling them as I took care of everything; however, as time went on, I adjusted and those around me adjusted.

The scripture says don’t be weary in well-doing. However, one thing that I needed to check was my motives. My reason for “doing” was more about receiving external validation or to feel that I was valuable, not already seeing my worth or value. There’s nothing good about that when God already says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. If feeling that you have to overcompensate or constantly take care of others due to thinking you’re the only one that can, or that is the sole way of being valuable, I came to tell you that your worth and value are already there!

I recommend asking God to reveal the places in your heart that may need healing. Awareness is critical to healing a condition or how you may have conditioned yourself to be. Begin to write those things down. If you struggle with low self-esteem or have trouble asking for help, pray about it and consider getting professional help to work through those challenges.

Many individuals in the Bible benefited from having mentorship and support. We don’t have to do this thing alone. Lastly, I implore you to commit to the action steps that lead to change. Often, receiving good advice or hearing it feels better than the implementation part of it. Often, you may feel resistance to doing the things you know are necessary for the changes you want to see. However, push past it step-by-step. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to transform in one night or one week, or even one month.

Whether by yourself or with somebody else’s help, create small steps towards your goal. For example, if communication is something that you want to work on, one step can be to communicate at least once a week, during which you ask for help. Once a week is not too small to start with, especially when you’re not used to communicating. We all have to start somewhere and shouldn’t despise a small beginning!


For the Moms
Miriam Matthews, LICSWChristian Transformational life Coach
Connect with Me!
Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/5022422551108439/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/defineyourdna/
Website: https://define-your-dna.com/

Since our inception in 2020, For the Moms has received over 2500 views in over almost 30 countries!

I am all the more grateful for the women (like Miriam) who have chosen to join me on this journey of transparency. I can’t thank you enough.

For the Moms is an annual written blog series which aims to ignite and connect Godly Women in various stages of Motherhood toward the revelation of their Divinely given assignment and their impact as the gatekeepers of the home. 

The purpose and mission is to elevate Christ and conceptualize Godly character in Motherhood – and to reach down and pull up those Mothers who are just starting, who are understandably worn, or who have somehow lost their way. 

Further, For the Moms is a movement that is calling to attention the warriors within us for the times in which we live. We will aim to unravel the mistakes and cycles of generations past. We will wage war for our families. And, we will diligently seek the Lord’s face concerning His will for our children, and who we are becoming through our Motherhood. 

My prayer is that the women who lay eyes on the For the Moms Series, will be encouraged, emboldened, and all the more hopeful.

For the Moms,

Hannah



3 thoughts on “For the Moms – Treasure in Jars of Clay w/ Miriam Matthews, LICSW

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